It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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