the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
