Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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