I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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