I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
