Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
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i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
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I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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