you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize