I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
