I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Small penises have feelings too.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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