Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize