Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
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I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
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Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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