Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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