Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
