Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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