I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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