I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
