i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
