Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
