Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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