when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
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I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
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He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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