would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
