dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
