He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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