She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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