Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Your penis caused this!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
