Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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