11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
