Cold hands, warm shart.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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