Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
