ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
