Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
