so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
