Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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