Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
