That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
