Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
