Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
