I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
