I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize