i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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