you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
tell me about the eggs
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
