Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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