Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
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