I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i out mim tonsoeep
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
