why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
