Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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