My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
