at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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