Your face is a jimmy john
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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