You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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