I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize