Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
