We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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