I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Dear god my vagina.
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