I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
