He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
