If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
