addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
