We're like a lot better than the average bears
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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