So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
