If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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