I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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