her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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