I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
