Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
