i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
