then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize