so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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