he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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