apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
