Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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