Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
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Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
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Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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