Can Purell be used as lube?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
